When I was so Stubborn, I Passed Out

Written By Developer Designer

My parents love telling this story about me.

Apparently, when I was little, if I didn’t get my way… I would hold my breath.

Not just for a few seconds. I would hold it until I passed out.

Yes—passed out.

There’s one story my parents still laugh about. They were getting ready to go out to dinner one night, and I wanted to go with them. I couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t want to bring their daughter along. (Still can’t imagine why…haha).

Let me also clarify something—this was the very early 80’s. Different times.

When they told me I had to stay home, I got furious. In my tiny but very stubborn protest, I held my breath… and sure enough, passed out.  Apparently I did this more than once.

Concerned, my parents eventually brought me to the doctor and asked what they should do.

The doctor’s advice?

“Let her pass out. Eventually she’ll learn that’s not how to get her way.”

To this day, I laugh every time my parents tell that story. (I also wonder what kind of doctor would give that advice??  haha)  

But the funny part isn’t really the point.  What strikes me most when I hear it now is this: as a child, I had no fear.  I was feisty. Competitive. Brave.

I played sports with the boys and often beat them. I was the girl who stood up for my friends when someone tried to bully them. I stood tall, spoke up, and rarely questioned whether I belonged.

I simply showed up as myself - Open. Free. Ready for whatever life threw my way.

I don’t remember worrying about outcomes. I don’t remember thinking I had to be perfect. And I certainly don’t remember asking myself whether I was good enough.  That voice didn’t exist yet. (most of my childhood was spent rolling around in the dirt, playing any sport available to me….sweaty, stinky without a care in the world). 

When the Inner Critic Arrives

Somewhere along the way, things begin to change.

As we grow older, our environment begins to shape us. Expectations increase. Feedback from others becomes louder. Comparison creeps in. Slowly, the outside world starts influencing how we see ourselves and over time, another voice begins to develop: The inner critic.

The voice that whispers things like:

What if you fail?
What will people think?
Maybe you shouldn’t try.

The same fearless child who once tried everything without hesitation begins to second-guess herself.  The confidence we once carried naturally becomes something we feel we have to earn and before we know it, we’re playing smaller than we once did.

The Voice That Never Left

But here’s the interesting thing:  That fearless child never actually disappeared.

She’s still there - the part of you that was brave, curious, stubborn, playful, and willing to try again after falling down.

Think about how children learn to walk, ride a bike, or play a sport. They fall constantly. Sometimes they cry for a moment, but they rarely sit there replaying the failure. They get up and try again.

Psychologists often refer to reconnecting with this part of ourselves as tapping into the inner child—the early part of us that carries curiosity, courage, and creativity.

Research by Dr. Kristin Neff on self-compassion, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, shows that people who treat themselves with the same kindness they would offer a child are more resilient, more willing to take healthy risks, and better able to recover from setbacks.

In other words, when we reconnect with that earlier voice within us, we often rediscover encouragement instead of criticism.

The Leader Within

In my one-on-one coaching, we talk about something closely related to this idea.

We call it The Leader Within. This is a concept developed by Co-Active Coaching. 

Your Leader Within carries many of the qualities your inner child once expressed so naturally: wisdom, compassion, courage, clarity, and certainty.

The Leader Within loves you completely and unconditionally. She believes in you without question and can often see the path forward when your inner critic cannot.

She is grounded and steady. When challenges arise, she quickly recognizes what is needed and how best to move forward.

She is fearless and relentless in pursuing what is best for you.  She’s unshakeable, dedicated and unwavering.

Perhaps most importantly, the Leader Within has always been part of you. She’s simply waiting for you to listen again.

Fear Means It’s Go Time – Action Step

The next time your inner critic starts whispering doubt, try something different.

Pause and ask yourself:  What would my inner child do right now?

Or…What would my Leader Within say?

Would she tell you not to try?
Would she tell you to stay quiet?
Would she tell you to shrink back from something meaningful?

Probably not.

Your inner child might say:

Try it.
Speak up.
Go for it.
If you fall, you’ll get back up.

This week, try a simple practice. When you notice your inner critic showing up, write down what it’s saying. Then ask your inner child to respond.

Let her speak with courage, compassion, and possibility.

Remember…Fear might just be your signal that it’s GO TIME.

The Voice Worth Listening To

The inner critic may have developed over time, but it was never the original voice guiding your life.

Before the doubt, before the comparison, before the fear of judgment, there was a child who believed she could try anything. A child who got back up quickly after falling.   A child who didn’t worry about being perfect before beginning.

That voice still exists within you and sometimes it just needs a little space to speak again.

When you reconnect with the courage and curiosity you once carried so naturally, you may discover something powerful.

The confidence you’re searching for was never missing. It’s been inside you all along.

Always Cheering You On,
Missy

P.S. Many of the women I work with—both athletes and professionals—are incredibly capable people who have simply been listening to the wrong thoughts for too long. When they learn how to notice, challenge, and reshape those thoughts, their confidence and habits begin to change in powerful ways.  Connect with me HERE to schedule an inquiry call to see if my One-on-One coaching might benefit you.  

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