The Box You Were Trained to Stay In. 

Written By Developer Designer

There was a point in my life when everything looked right on paper. I was a college basketball coach, building a career in something I had spent my entire life doing. I knew the game, understood the environment, and felt confident in my ability to succeed. It made sense for me to be there.

Still, a quiet tension began to grow.

Part of me wanted to be there, but a larger part of me was curious about something else. I wanted to know who I was outside of sports. There was no clear answer and no defined path forward, just a question that kept showing up. I ignored it for longer than I should have—about two years longer.

Looking back, the reason feels obvious.

I stayed because it was safe. Basketball was familiar. It gave me structure, identity, and something I could prove. My inner critic sounded logical, even responsible. It told me I didn’t know anything else and questioned why I would leave something I was good at. It reinforced the idea that this was what I was supposed to be doing.

So I stayed inside what I knew I could achieve instead of exploring what I actually wanted.

Over time, something shifted. The work that once felt like passion began to feel like obligation. The energy changed. I was still showing up, still working hard, still doing my job, but internally something felt off.

During my last two years of coaching, I remember feeling disconnected and flat. It felt like I was going through the motions. The best way I can describe it is this: I was speaking, but I wasn’t singing. I was walking, but I wasn’t dancing. The joy wasn’t there in the same way, and the spark that once drove me started to fade. The hardest part was that I could no longer ignore it. That feeling was present every single day.

What’s interesting is I didn’t even fully make the decision myself. An autoimmune diagnosis forced me to step away. At the time, it felt overwhelming. I didn’t know what my future looked like or what my purpose was outside of basketball. Everything I had built my identity around was suddenly gone, and there was no clear path forward—only uncertainty.

Something changed when I stepped away.

I began trying things that felt uncomfortable and unfamiliar. I put myself in environments where I didn’t have all the answers. Over time, those small steps led me somewhere I never expected—speaking, coaching, creating, and helping others transform how they think and show up in their lives.

That version of my life was never part of the original plan, yet now I wake up energized and aligned. There is a sense of purpose and fulfilment that was missing before. This is the difference between going through the motions and feeling fully connected to what you’re doing.

Now I’m not just speaking.

I’m singing.

I’m not just walking through my days.

I’m dancing in them.

The Role of the Inner Critic

Most people do not stay inside the box because they lack ability. They stay because their inner critic convinces them it is safer there. The voice encourages sticking with what is known, avoiding risk, and choosing certainty over possibility.

For professionals, this often looks like staying in a job that no longer excites them. For athletes, it shows up as playing small—avoiding mistakes, staying in the same role, or hesitating instead of trusting their instincts.

The voice sounds protective, but it quietly limits growth.

You cannot perform at your highest level while trying to stay safe. 

Fear Means It’s Go Time – Action Step

Take a moment this week to check in with yourself.

Ask:
Where in my life am I choosing what I know I can achieve instead of going after what I actually want?

Notice what comes up and pay attention to the voice that follows. It may sound practical or cautious, reminding you to stay where things feel certain.

Then shift the question:

If I wasn’t trying to stay safe, what would I do?

There is no need for a drastic change. One small step toward that answer is enough.

That feeling of tension—the pull toward something more—is not something to avoid. It is information pointing you toward growth.

Fear often shows up right before expansion.

Fear might just be your signal that it’s GO TIME.

More Than the Box

We are often trained to stay inside the box because it feels safe. That message can come from others, and over time, it becomes our own internal dialogue.

The limitation is not a lack of potential.  The limitation is the voice that keeps you from stepping beyond what you can prove.

Your potential is already there. Your possibility is already there.  What’s required is the willingness to move beyond certainty and into what you actually want.

There is a version of you that is not just going through the motions. There is a version of you that feels fully alive in what she is doing.

Not just speaking. But singing.

Not just walking.  But dancing.

Rooting for you,
Missy

P.S. Many of the women I work with—both athletes and professionals—are incredibly capable people who have simply been listening to the wrong thoughts for too long. When they learn how to notice, challenge, and reshape those thoughts, their confidence and habits begin to change in powerful ways.  Connect with me HERE to schedule an inquiry call to see if my One-on-One coaching might benefit you.  

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